Recently, another mother shared online that her nanny has been kissing her babies on the lips and calling them her ‘lover boy’ and ‘lover girl.’ In her email, she said that she was uncomfortable with the nanny’s behavior and wanted to fire her but wasn’t sure if this was a good enough reason. Right away, the other mothers responded by saying that they would fire the nanny immediately and seemed somewhat surprised at the mother’s ambivalence. I too was a little surprised by the email, but I can understand what happened here because I was in a similar situation. Not long ago, I thought one of my nannies was too affectionate with my boys. I also thought she was holding them a little too close to her chest. I didn’t say anything right away. I waited for the behavior to change. After a few days, I realized that the behavior was not going to change on its own and I had to deal with it. So I told my nanny that her behavior was inappropriate and had to stop. I haven’t had any problems with her since (at least not in that area).
Nannies get away with crazy behavior sometimes because a lot of women don’t like confrontations, even seemingly strong women. New mothers also have a harder time dealing unprofessional nannies because they haven’t yet learned to trust their instincts. So this mother may have to do what I’ve had to do. Tune people out. It is the best way to build confidence in your role as the mother. The more you tune people out when it comes to your kids, the more others (including nannies) will come to respect your role as the mother or at least as the HBIC. I don’t listen to anybody anymore when it come to my kids short of let’s say my pediatrician (and even then sometimes) and occasionally my mother. While I understand that I don’t know everything and that I’ll make some mistakes along, it’s my prerogative (assuming of course my behavior doesn’t fall into the category of abuse or neglect. Then it becomes NYC’s prerogative).
